I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
