we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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