oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The air was thick with penises
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
