Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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