I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
