Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
