I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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