it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
