Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
