Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Randomize
