Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
