The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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