Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
