she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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