Cold hands, warm shart.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
