I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
