If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
