why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm both gender and math confused
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize