Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
