is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
