Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
