he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
