Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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