Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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