Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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