YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
