I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
