I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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