there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
