So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
