i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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