$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize