why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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