you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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