I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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