So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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