I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
