the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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