I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize