I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize