My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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