how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
