The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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