All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
