I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
