I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize