Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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