we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
