He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
