Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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