I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
