I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
