I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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