So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
