just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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