I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
