hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
