I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
