Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
