I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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