This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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