The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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