dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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