I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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