I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
