glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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