you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
