If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
