Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
